Barbiama
by Project X-Over
Summary: The Planet Express crew are transplanted to the past in Udrogoth. There they meet Dave and his family. Unfortunately, Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy has noticed their arrival...
1. Chapter 1

In the castle of Udrogoth Dave just finished painting his masterpiece.

"There!" said Dave after he put the finishing touches. "I've completed a painting of the family, and Twinkle The Marvel Horse to send to mom and dad."

"I admit I can be sarcastic," said Lula. "But that painting is really good."

"Your welcome."

As if on cue Fang, Candy, Oswidge, Faffy, and Twinkle The Marvel Horse walked into the room.

"So that's the painting you've been working on," said Candy. "Mom and dad will love it."

"You still could have been doing cooler stuff though," said Fang. "But at least I look good on it."

"Yes," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse. "It's nice to know...I'm considered a part of the family...Since I've been let out of the stable more...but I still have nightmares."

"The best part about my painting is that Uncle Oswidge's paint makes it indestructible," said Dave. "Show them Faffy."

Faffy nodded and spat lighting at the painting. There was no damage done to the painting.

"Before you say anything," said Oswidge. "Yes the paint is magical, and has the effect of of summoning those in front of it to the ones in the painting."

"And that makes us safe how?" asked Lula sarcastically.

"That's sounds dumb even for you Uncle Oswidge," said Fang.

"More nightmares...for me then," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"Oh great," said Candy. "Twinkle The Marvel Horse just lost a lot of progress."

Faffy just belched.

"Let Uncle Oswidge finish," said Dave.

"Don't worry," said Oswidge. "I made it sure that it will only activate if it is used by someone over 100 years old, the world's dumbest person, a cyclops, a metal golem, a martian, a bureaucrat, a humanoid crustacean, and they all have to sneeze at the same time. In other words something that will never happen in our lifetime.

Meanwhile in the 31st century, whose year will not be mentioned so this story will be easier for readers in later years, a meeting was at the Planet Express.

"Know that everyone is here but Scruffy who's running late let's get started," said Professor Farnsworth. "Good news, everyone! We're going to deliver an ancient Udrogothic painting to the New New York Museum Of Art."

Indeed thanks to the magic paint Dave's painting lasted all the way to 31st century.

"Who are those guys in the painting?" asked Fry. "I'm especially curious about the monkey."

"First of all Fry she's a human," said Leela. "Second, they are the royal family of Udrogoth. Dave, Candy, Fang, Oswidge, Faffy, Lula, and Twinkle The Marvel Horse are well known for their heroic deeds even today."

"Their parents King Throktar and Queen Glimia are legendary for fighting all the evil in the world," said Bender. "Truly a dark time for those who are bit more opportunistic if you know what I mean."

"We know all this because Udrogothian conveniently resembles modern English," said Amy. "When I went to Mars University I took Udrogothian as an easy class."

"In the end it was said that the final battle between the entire family and the forces of evil was so amazing that it can't be described," said Hermes.

"Even we Decapodians have heard of the battle," said Zoidberg. "And since it took place during medieval times it really says how awesome it was.

"Wow," said Fry with amazement. "That battle would have been so cool to see."

"And the best part about this delivery is that nothing crazy will happen," said Professor Farnsworth.

Suddenly Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg all sneezed at the same time due to irritation in their noses even though Bender and Zoidberg don't have noses. The circumstances fulfilled the painting turned into a blue and red portal. The portal then sucked the Planet Express crew into the past.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Oswidge finished talking Dave's painting transformed into a portal, and the Planet Express crew suddenly fell out. Our heroes and the Planet Express Crew looked at each other quickly and went into a football huddle. Due their past experience with time travel and weird things they weren't too shocked about what happened.

"Those guys clothes look a lot liked Ned Frischman's," said Candy. "That means they must be from the future."

"Before you say anything," said Odwidge. "I said the magic painting won't active in our time, those guys don't come from our time."

"Let's get them," said Fang. "Remember when Ned Frischman took over Udrogoth."

Faffy pretended to play on an imaginary Game Guy to prove his point.

"I still have nightmares..about what happened then," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"You have nightmares about all sorts of things," said Lula.

"Before we do anything rash let's talk to them," said Dave. "They could have arrived by accident."

Meanwhile the Planet Express Crew was talking.

"I guess I was wrong," said Professor Farnsworth. "Something crazy did happen. It appears we are now in the past."

"Of course," Hermes said sarcastically. "I remember the days where stuff happened during deliveries, not before."

"Those people over there are the ones in the portrait," said Fry. "Maybe I shouldn't have wished to see them in person."

"I know what you're talking about," said Zoidberg. "Remember those time where I got money and it backfired?"

"Since we're in the past it means there must be some treasure," said Bender. "Heh heh heh."

"Bender!" yelled Amy. "You could mess up the past if you steal stuff. Unless it forms a stable time loop like those other times."

"Enough talk," said Leela. "How about we just talk to the Udrogothian royal family and figure out what just happened!"

And so our heroes had a conversation, and figured out what just happened, and came to an agreement.

"Good new everybody!" said Professor Farnswroth. "I will work together with Oswidge so we can return home."

"While we work you guys can hang out with someone not with your time period while we work," said Oswidge.

Our heroes did just that.

Unbeknownst to them Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy has been spying on the castle with his crystal ball from his fortress.

"I knew it was a good idea to spy on the barbarians right now!" said Chuckles. "Ned Frischman took over Udrogoth with his technology, and he was from 1994, and these time travelers are from the 31st century. I'll force them to give me their technology and I'll combine it with my magic so I can take over the world! Time to form an army then."


	3. Chapter 3

Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy successfully formed an army of orcs to attack the castle.

"Okay orcs," said Chuckles. "You guys are very powerful, but you also charge high prices so I can't you hire you that often. Since I only have one chance to gain future technology I have to be willing to give up a lot of money. Anyway, to Udrogoth!"

The Dark Lord led the army of orcs to Udrogoth. Since it will take a while for them to get there let's have some humorous interactions between the royal family and the Planet Express Crew.

Oswidge and Professor Farnsworth were working on reactivating the painting.

"Good thing I have some chronitons," said Professor Farnsworth as he emptied them out of the jar and onto the painting.

"And now for a blast of energy," said Oswidge as he blasted magic energy at the painting.

"Now all we have to do is wait a few hours until it can activate again," said Professor Farnsworth. "So the chronitons can be charged enough."

"That was easier than I thought," said Oswidge. "Normally my magic backfires. Anyway want to argue about whether magic or science is superior?"

"Sure," replied Professor Farnsworth. "Science can do anything!"

"Well magic can do anything!" countered Oswidge.

The two stayed silent for a moment.

"Want to eat some fudge?" asked Professor Farnsworth.

"You read my mind," replied Oswidge.

Meanwhile, Faffy and Zoidberg were in the kitchen pigging out on the food.

"Food from the past is incredible!" said Zoidberg. "I haven't had such a great meal in a long time."

Faffy said that's one of the best parts about living in the castle, but not in an intelligible language.

"I couldn't agree more Faffy."

Faffy again said something intelligible but what he said will not be told in english.

"Thanks for telling me the secret to happiness that only dragons know," said Zoidberg.

Faffy said something again.

"Don't worry I swear on my honor I won't tell anyone else the secret due to the dragon code," nodded Zoidberg.

Amy and Candy were currently out shopping.

"Thanks for all these good shopping choices Amy," said Candy. "You sure skilled at this."

"My parents on Mars are very wealthy and own half of Mars," replied Amy.

"Actually I am referring to how you're familiar with products from the past."

"That's because their awfully similar to products from the future."

Amy thought for a second and said, "Now that I think about it a lot of things of Udrogoth are similar to things from modern times."

"It's best not to think about it," said Amy.

Hermes and Twinkle The Marvel Horse were in the stable.

"I'm a bureaucrat," said Hermes.

"I'm a horse," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"I'm good with numbers."

"I can fly."

"I make snarky jokes"

"I tell people about my nightmares."

"Maybe we shouldn't have hung out," said Hermes.

"I agree," replied Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

Fang and Leela were practicing their combat skills in the halls. Fang tried to attack Leela with her spear, but Leela kept blocking with her kicks and punches.

"You're so cool and tough Leela," said Fang. "You're exactly the type of person I want to be when I grow up other than the one eye."

"If you train hard enough you can do anything," said Leela. "My skills have helped me and my friends many times."

"I wish my family can be tough."

"Don't worry about that, my friends may not be good fighters, but their strong int their own ways."

"Now that I think about it you're right," said Fang. "But they still can be pretty dumb."

"Same here," said Leela.

At a poetry club Dave finished telling his poem to the audience including Fry and Bender due to lazy writing the poem will not be mentioned.

"You know Bender poems from the past are incredible," said Fry.

"Uh-huh," said Bender as he wrote Dave's poems down so he could take credit for them in the future.

"What are you doing?" Lula asked Bender angrily.

"Just taking an opportunity to make some money in the future," replied Bender.

"You're stealing David's intellectual property tin can!"

"Well how about we take this out back sword," said Bender.

Lula unsheathed her self and went outside along with Bender.

"That was a great poem Dave," said Fry.

"Your welcome Fry," replied Dave. "I prefer the arts to being a barbarian."

"I did some artistic things myself before. I made a comic book and moved the stars themselves."

"What's a comic book?" asked Dave

"So this is what it feels like to know something someone else doesn't know," said Fry. "I did those things for Leela, to who I am now married to."

"I wish I have better luck in romance with Iramaplotz."

"I'm sure everything will work out."

"Thanks."

Meanwhile out back due to their personalities being somewhat similar Lula and Bender were making out.


	4. Chapter 4

Now that the filler is done let's get to the actual plot. Our heroes have gathered together in the room with the painting which will soon activate. They we're prepared to say there goodbyes after hanging out with each other.

"Good luck with your crazy magic Oswidge," said Professor Farnsworth.

"Good luck with your crazy science Farnsworth," said Oswidge.

Faffy said something unintelligible to Zoidberg

Zoidber laughed and said, "You too Faffy."

"Thanks for telling me that the future is similar to my time Amy," said Candy.

"Yeah but I still think it's weird Udrogoth has things like crystal ball televisions Candy," said Amy.

"I guess it was nice meeting you Twinkle The Marvel Horse," said Hermes.

"I guess... the same here," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"If you work hard you can do anything Fang," said Leela.

"I know Leela I'll be the strongest warrior ever!" said Fang.

"Let's never speak of what we did Bender," Lula angrily said to Bender.

"Don't worry Lula I won't because that was just impulse," Bender said angrily.

"Have fun in the past Dave," said Fry.

"Well you have fun in the Future Fry," said Dave.

Don't worry this is not actually the final chapter. The plot point about The Dark Lord Chuckles The Sillly Piggy will not be ignored.

Suddenly our heroes heard the sound of marching. They then ran out onto the castle ramparts and saw Chuckles at the head of a massive orc army prepared to lay siege to the castle.

Meanwhile at the entrance to Udrogoth...

"Maybe we shouldn't have let Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy and his army of orcs into Udrogoth," said the brown-haired guard. "You know since he's evil and want to enslave us all.

"Don't worry about it," said the red-haired guard. "The royal family has been out of stuff like this before. Besides if we didn't let them in we would have been pummeled and hit with mystic energy."

"I guess your right. You know we're not very good guards."

"True, but at least we admit it."


	5. Chapter 5

"Give me the time travelers barbarians or I'll lay siege to the castle with my army," said Chuckles.

"Did that pig just talk?" asked Leela.

"It's good to know that I'm not seeing things due to senility," said Farnsworth.

"That pig doesn't look so tough," said Fry.

Fry was blasted by mystic energy from Chuckles' mystic amulet.

"Be careful Fry," said Dave. "Chuckles is a Dark Lord with powerful magic."

"Now you tell me," replied Fry.

"What do you want with our friends Chuckles?" asked Candy.

"I have my reasons," said Chuckles.

"Maybe he plans to combine magic with technology," said Zoidberg.

"Zoidberg does have a point," said Amy. "The magic in Udrogoth is pretty amazing."

"And as technology I should now how awesome I am," said Bender.

"Uh that's not the reason," Chuckles said while moving his eyes left to right.

"Look at Chuckles' eyes," said Oswidge. "Villains do that when their plans are revealed."

"True," said Lula. "In my many years of life I've seen plenty of villains do that."

"Now we really shouldn't let Chuckles get our friends," said Fang.

"You're right Fang," said Hermes. "In the future technology is dangerous in the wrong hands."

Faffy said something unintelligible.

"Faffy's right," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse. "We don't want...a repeat of what happened with Ned Frischman."

"So much for the fake diplomacy approach," said Chuckles. "Time for plan B. Now my orcs prepare for battle!"

"Today is even better than I thought it was," said Fang as she prepared her spear.

"This time I remember to point my wand in the right direction," said Oswidge as he took out his wand.

"Time to put the time I spent at the butterfly derby to use," said Amy with her fist raised.

"I can take on those orcs," said Leela while assuming a fighting stance.

Faffy growled.

"I'll guess I'll use my flight," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse while starting to float.

"Looks like I'll get to do something similar to one of my dearest fantasies," Bender said with glee.

"Good thing I also decided to bring a ray gun," said Professor Farnsworth as he took at his ray gun.

"We've been through worse," said Lula sarcastically..

"True," said Candy. "Naturally things always turn to the worst or go wrong."

"Don't worry everybody!" said Zoidberg. "If you get hurt too badly I'll help you as a doctor!"

"That's what I was afraid of," said Hermes.

"Not good not good," said Fry in a panicked tone. "I'll be creamed by those orcs!"

"Don't worry Fry," said Dave. "In a situation like this I would normally say my catchphrase bajabbers since I'm not that brave, but there are so many orcs there won't be enough money in the budget to show the battle. That way we'll get throughout unharmed."

"That's a relief. Thank goodness for budget constraints."

Stay tuned for the battle next chapter. Unlike the _Dave The Barbarian _cartoon this is a fan fiction where there is no budget. The battle will be epic and dangerous.

"Bajabbers," said Dave and Fry simultaneously.


	6. Chapter 6

The battle started with the orcs climbing the castle walls. To delay the orcs Faffy spat lighting and Zoidberg spat ink. While some the orcs fell more still climbed up.

Oswidge used his magic to conjure an elephant above the orcs, crushing them. He transformed other orcs into newts.

Leela used her martial arts on the orcs. She kicked and punched them despite their greater size.

Bender used his great strength from being a robot to pick up an orc bended him, and threw him like a boomerang at the other orcs.

Candy also used martial arts on the orcs. She kicked and punched them despite their greater size.

Zoidberg spat water from both his freshwater and saltwater stomach on the orcs. The orcs braced themselves, but nothing happened.

Twinkle The Marvel Horse flew through the air kicking the orcs. During this he felt secretly delighted.

Hermes caused the orcs intense pain through telling him his dark, horrifying knowledge. How bureaucracies work!

Before the orcs decided they should attack Zoidberg Faffy spat lightning at them, electrocuting them in the process.

Fang used her spear to knock the orcs down on their backs and proceeded to stomp on them. Of course she couldn't used the pointed part of the spear since this is K+.

Amy used her martial arts on the orcs. Yes, this is derivative, but not every battle can be unique.

Lula flew around in the air blasting energy bolts at the orcs.

As for why Lula was not with Dave, he was standing back-to-back with Fry surrounded by orcs. Both were utterly terrified. They rapidly flailed their arms around in panic. The orcs fell down and Dave and Fry felt relieved they came out alive.

Of course, as Lula knew, the orcs were weakened enough by everybody else which made them barley put up a fight.

Knowing defeat the orcs fled.

"Curse you barbarians and time travelers!" yelled Chuckles. "You foiled my plans!" He then fled.

And so our heroes defeated the Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy. With his defeat the Planet Express Crew could return home. Overall our heroes felt pretty good.

"That's what they think," said Chuckles. "Now that phase one of my plan to take over the world is complete it's time to move to phase two. Muah ha ha ha ha ha!"


	7. Chapter 7

Our heroes ran toward the room where the painting was. There they discovered the painting has opened up back to the 31st century, and the Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy was there aiming his mystic amulet at the portal.

"Greetings barbarians and time travelers," said Chuckles menacingly. "I was waiting for you."

"Chuckles!" exclaimed Dave. "How did you get here?!"

"Let me guess," said Fry. "Magic."

"Reasonable guess but no," said Chuckles. "You see a while back I won a game a cards against the Queen Of The Mole People and she owed me a favor. So I had her dig a tunnel beneath the castle."

"Why didn't you use it before?" asked Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"Twinkle The Marvel Horse does have a good point," said Amy.

"Mole people? That's ridiculous!" said Zoidberg.

"Said the alien who looks like a lobster," noted Lula.

"I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it!" yelled Chuckles. "Anyway, the army of orcs were merely a distraction to keep you fools away from the painting. The reason for this was for some reason the more enemies there are the easier they are to defeat."

"The past is more and more confusing by the second," said Hermes. "There's a dragon for crying out loud!"

Faffy merely stuck out his tongue.

"That plan is just as complicated as the Robot Devil's," said Bender.

"What's a robot?" asked Fang.

"I think it's a another word for keister," said Oswidge.

"Now time travelers," said Chuckles with a grin on his face. "My mystic amulet is currently on it's highest possible setting. It can create a beam so powerful it would destroy the world. And I fully intend to use it on the future."

"And people have called me mad!" said Professor Farnsworth. "Or was it senile and foolish?"

"Wait a minute," said Candy. "I thought you wanted to rule the world?"

"I do," said Chuckles. "But the future isn't my world is it?"

Suddenly our heroes knew that there was no way they could stop Chuckles without the future being destroyed.

"Now that I'm in control of the situation," said Chuckles, happy that he was winning. "Time travelers tell me your ares of expertise so I can exploit your knowledge of technology from the future."

"I'm a delivery boy," said Fry.

"I'm a spaceship captain," said Leela.

"I'm a robot," said Bender.

"I'm a scientist," said Professor Farnsworth.

"I'm a crew member with a Ph.D," said Amy.

"I'm a bureaucrat," said Hermes.

"I'm a doctor," said Zoidberg.

"Okay some the things you said don't make sense," said Chuckles. "But my plan to combine magic with technology can still work."

Suddenly Dave had an idea.

"There's a glaring flaw in your plan Chuckles," said Dave.

"What do you mean?" Chuckles asked annoyed.

"Just because someone is a certain occupation doesn't mean they know how to do everything. Even then they need the right resources. For instance, many of plans to save the day would have failed if I did not have the right materials."

"I barely understand how my magic works," said Oswidge.

Faffy said something unintelligible, but it was about how he could shoot lightning and fly.

"I wonder...how I fly myself," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"I have no idea where the source of my energy blasts come from or how I float," said Lula.

"Even though I'm a princess in Udrogoth my authority does not extend in other places," said Candy.

"I don't know how I can defeat foes several times size even though I'm a kid," said Fang.

Understanding what's happening Leela said, "I'm a spaceship captain, but I don't know how to build one."

"My bureaucratic skills cannot be used properly without a massive bureaucracy," said Hermes.

"I barely understand basic human biology," said Zoidberg.

"My Ph.D is useless in places that don't recognize them," said Amy.

"I don't have the right tools to build any inventions," said Professor Farnsworth.

"I'm lazy," said Bender.

"I'm missing a brainwave that all sentient beings have, including some plants," said Fry.

The Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy stopped aiming at the portal with his mystic amulet, and deactivated the mystic amulet.

"Oh great! My plan was for nothing!" yelled Chuckles. "I lost time, money, and the surprise from the tunnel! If you excuse me I'm going home so I can look at some images on the world wide spiderweb so I can feel better. Before I go you should know I won't destroy the future out of spite. I'm a villain who wants to dominate, not to destroy the world for no reason." Chuckles then left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Due to the time spent preventing the Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy from destroying the future the portal closed.

"Maybe we can reopen the portal," Amy said hopefully.

"We can't," said Professor Farnsworth. "I used up all of my chronitons earlier."

"LaBarbara will be so mad when she realizes I won't be coming home," said Hermes.

"You guys can live here in the castle until you get one your feet," Dave said to the Planet Express Crew.

"Sorry, but there's not enough room in the guest room," said Candy.

"You guys...can sleep in my stable," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse.

"Hooray!" said Zoidberg. "A stable is much for comfortable than a dumpster."

"That explains the smell," said Fang.

Faffy ate a fly with his tongue.

"Oh well at least in the past there is plenty of...," said Bender before he mysteriously stopped talking. "What the?!"

"I think I know what's happening," said Oswidge. "_Dave The Barbarian _was rated TV-G so anything considered inappropriate for children can not be used or mentioned."

Bender got on his knees and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"If there was only a way we can return home," said Fry.

"Sorry Fry but sometimes there is no way to get out of a troublesome situation," said Leela.

"Don't be so sure," said Lula. "Around here when he you say things like that if you're a good guy things become better. And I have a feeling your problem will be solved soon."

Suddenly a time machine appeared out of nowhere. Specifically the one from _The Late Phillip J. Fry_, which should not be viewed by young children. The door opened and a figure came out.

"Looks like it's time for Scruffy to save the day," said Scruffy.

"Who's that gross guy?" asked Candy.

"That's Scruffy the janitor," said Amy.

"Wait a second," said Professor Farnsworth. "That time machine isn't a backwards time machine."

"Before you say anything Uncle Oswidge I don't think 'time machine' means keister," said Fang.

"Uh I wasn't going to say that," Oswidge said while shifting his eyes.

"The one who would did the modifications was me," said Nibbler.

"Don't hurt me!" said Dave as he jumped into Zoiberg's arms.

"Hurray, I saved the day!" said Zoidberg.

"Calm down David," said Lula. "That creature over there isn't as nearly as bad as some of the other ones we've seen."

"Normally I would insult Zoidberg, but that was a good call," said

Zoidberg put Dave down.

"Don't worry that's Nibbler," said Fry. "He's a good guy."

Faffy suddenly thought Nibbler looked tasty.

"Thank you for coming to take us out of this horrible place," said Bender.

"Not as bad as my dreams," said Twinkle The Marvel Horse

"How did you know we were in the past?" asked Leela.

"Nibbler knew that you guys were going to be sucked into the past," said Scruffy. "So he knocked Scruffy out when I woke up so I could operate the time machine."

"I then told Scruffy what happened and I modified the forward time machine so it could also move backwards," said Nibbler.

"How did you know all this?" Leela asked Nibbler.

"That would be me," said a past version of Nibbler wearing a jumpsuit. "Now if you excuse me I have to leave before any information about the future is released." Past Nibbler left the room.

Everybody was at a complete loss for words.

"Since we already said goodbyes lets all just say bye," said Dave.

"Bye!" said everybody.

The Planet Express Crew entered the time machine.

Professor Farnsworth activated the time machine, and the royal family watched as their friends from the future returned to their own time.

"What's wrong Fry?" asked Nibbler when he noticed Fry looked sad.

"It's nice that were going home but I was hoping to see the battle between good and evil in Udrogoth," replied Fry.

"That was pretty crazy. While there are important days throughout history the others are just regular days. Besides what were the chances of arriving at the day of the battle?"

"That does make sense, but seeing the past you opens up so many questions."

"It's best not to think too hard about it."


End file.
